


I Don't Want to be Just Drifting Through the Sea of Life

by social_reject



Series: Drifting [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-17 23:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4684940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_reject/pseuds/social_reject
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton lost his way while running from the past, hoping for a better future when he stumbles aboard a pirate ship one stormy night. Caught up in a whirlwind of a new life, Ashton finds himself thrust into the realm of soulmates, a dangerous territory where he feels he must tread lightly- especially with Captain Luke Hemmings aboard. Soon, Ashton will find himself discovering the real meaning of 'soulmates'.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want to be Just Drifting Through the Sea of Life

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this, I couldn't stop for the life of me. The title is taken from the Hanson song 'Save Me', if you haven't heard it, give it a listen. It's a beautiful song. Also, side note, there is brief mentions of death in this. It is not major but could be triggering.

Glasses clinked all around Ashton as he stepped into the sleazy tavern to take shelter from the torrential down pour. People passed him by, bumping shoulders and pushing past him without a second thought, as if he were invisible, and in the spectrum of life, Ashton questioned if maybe he was. Life was supposed to be lived for a reason, to fulfill some sort of purpose, but making his way through the tavern all alone with nothing but memories haunting him, Ashton felt he had no purpose. He was just blindly flailing about his own life in search of anything.

He wanted nothing more than a purpose, than something to live for, but it seemed to evade him his whole life. The one time he’d thought he’d found his way, the whole thing had come crashing down in shambles, evidently tearing the rest of his world apart with it. As he took a seat at the bar on a rickety stool the bar keep slid a glass of courage his way, fire burning through his being as the liquid slid down his throat. Heat rose to his cheeks as he sighed and took a contemptuous look around the dimly lit room.

People surrounded him on every side and yet he’d never felt so truly and devastatingly alone. Maybe if he hadn’t run so far and so fast from his past, maybe if he’d stayed behind to try and put the pieces back together he wouldn’t be so lonely. He hadn’t just run from his past, he’d run from any offering of the future, of the people who could have helped repair the damaged pieces. So, in the dark recesses of his mind he thought maybe this was what he deserved.

His hands gripped the pewter cup tightly, a splash of alcohol lining the bottom of the cup, emotions ripping through him as he looked down at the clear liquid, he bit his lip, drawing a bead of blood from the force as he overhead conversation from the men sat next to him.

“Aye, I heard he be setting to find a new crew,” one mumbled, an undeniably thick and out of place accent and gruffness coating the words.

“Where’s he sailing to?” His counterpart asked, only a slight slur to the words from his inebriated state.

“I heard the colonies but I may be wrong,” the first man replied as he slammed his cup down, his drink splashing up and over the lip of the cup, sliding down the metal and onto the oak of the bar.

Interest peaked in Ashton furiously as he licked at the bead of blood on his bottom lip, his grip tightening around his cup as he listened on, the words striking through him.

“I heard he’s set to sail in the morn,” the more intoxicated one offered. “Sailing out of the Royal Harbor nonetheless.”

“That’s fearless,” the other said in disbelief, his head shaking back and forth to convey the meanings of the words even more clearly than how they were said.

The last man’s reply didn’t make sense to Ashton, but the conversation left a lingering feeling of desire spreading through him. He’d never sailed before, he’d never seen much past the confines of the houses he’d grown up in, and that left a violent urge in him to pick himself up from the barstool and track down this ship that was looking for crew. How could Ashton ever find a purpose in life if he was stagnant? Purposes don’t always find you; sometimes you have to seek them out.

It took Ashton only a few moments to mull it over in his mind; he could either stay where he was and hope his past didn’t catch up to him, or he could move forward to find a better future. He was tired of living in the past, he wanted the memories to die, but they always came back, they were as persistent as the rain falling outside, as loud as the thunder clapping overhead and as bright and vivid as the lightning slicing the night sky. The decision was as clear as the last drop of alcohol he’d swallowed to give himself that final push he’d needed to leave the tavern.

It took him longer than he’d anticipated to gather what few things he had lugged away with him at the Inn across from the tavern, his bag light against his shoulder. Once all- what very few all implied, was packed he paid the Inn Keeper and was out of the door and into the rain amongst the worried looks the old lady had given him at the desk. Her concern was appreciated, but not timely. He’d spent a solid few minutes trying to convince her that he’d be okay out there and still he had left her unconvinced and with worry.  

Once outside with the rain pelting him mercilessly he cut across the deserted road, everyone tucked away neatly indoors to keep safe from the raging storm. It was foolish to have made his way into the storm he knew, but he also knew if he didn’t leave at that moment his mind would have changed and he would have been stuck in the midst of an even bigger storm. The Royal Harbor was not far from the tavern, the shore line caught in the furiousness of the storm, waves wreaking havoc on the sand.

A boat rocked in the waves, it’s sails up and ready for leave, Ashton’s heart thudded as it fell into his stomach, his last chance was about to sail away from him. In the dark of the storm he miraculously found the gangway which had not been lifted yet. Apparently the men at the bar had been wrong; whoever was sailing was leaving tonight, not tomorrow. Hurriedly, Ashton made his way over to the gangway, desperation pouring out of him as he ran up it, a man blocking the entrance to the vessel.

“Please let me board, I will maintain any job,” Ashton croaked out, he felt his chances thinning when gunfire echoed behind him and the man stood in front of him had a face made of contortion.

Nerves wracked Ashton’s body but he dare not look back, for the sounds behind him were malicious. The man quickly tugged Ashton onto the deck; the gangway pulled up quickly, men working haphazardly in the rain. In the dim light that the ship and the street posts leading to the harbor provided Ashton could see the man’s eyes, as blue as the water that rocked the boat.

Over the cacophony of noise from the bustling crew and the approaching gun fire a voice rang out in the dead of the night, “Luke Hemmings surrender yourself and your ship by orders of the King!”

The man that had so furiously tugged Ashton aboard just as soon pushed him behind his body, the broadness made great cover for the outside madness.

“Set sail!” The man called out, his voice easily carrying over the noises around them, practiced and steady as the approaching danger carried on.

Ashton only had a moment of question before the pieces were being put together, the men’s words at the tavern starting to make sense along with the Royal Navy’s sudden appearance. Fear did not intrude upon Ashton as he thought it would have, he stayed collected as the man spun back to him and ushered him away from the chaos. Ashton could feel that the boat had peeled out of the harbor; the harsh turn they had set sail for nearly knocking him off his feet, but the man was there to steady him.

The man began to take off, his footsteps light in the ever falling rain which almost baffled Ashton, but he trailed after him, unsure what else to do. It seemed it was the correct thing for the man led him to the galley which warmed Ashton’s soaked body, chills running out of him once he neared the burning fire. The man spun around silently, his blue eyes scanning Ashton once, twice, three times before settling on hazel.

Ashton didn’t know what to say, to do, if he should even say or do anything, but he kept holding his tongue as the man began to speak, “What you did was risky.”

The one sentence died off in the still air, Ashton wished there was crew down here right now, some sort of barrier to break up the emotions flowing through the wooded room. There seemed to be nothing else to say except an apology and as soon as the words left his mouth the man was grinning, small laughs escaping him.

“Don’t apologize. Just tell me your name.”

“Ashton,” he replied steadier and calmer than he could have ever hoped for.

The man strode forward, the distance between them lessening with each of his long strides, his legs seemingly never ending, he thrust out a hand for shaking as he introduced himself, “I’m Captain Hemmings, but call me Luke.”

For a moment Ashton held his breath, not only had he essentially stowed away on a ship without permission but he had dared to do it in front of the captain of said ship. As words eluded him he let his eyes wander down, to the hold their hands were still entwined in, a scalded ‘P’ catching Ashton’s eye. On the soft skin of Luke’s wrist was a sloppily burned branding.

The ‘P’ meant pirate, and pirate meant dangerous criminal. Ashton couldn’t comprehend how someone so young and seemingly innocent could have possibly garnered enough trouble to be branded by the royal navy. Now, the conversation at the tavern was crystal clear, _fearless,_ and yet as Ashton looked over the pirate he felt no presence of danger, uneasiness didn’t even begin to tamper its way through him.

He really took in the sight of Luke, he had broadness to him, his shoulders and arms toned his stature unbelievably tall. His blond hair was windblown, pushed up at the top yet inevitably falling down to one side in a curl. Stubble adorned his flushed cheeks and reached his chin, yet Ashton could see the innocence of youth in his eyes and wondered if he was even yet considered a ‘man’.

Caught in his act of staring, Luke cleared his throat briefly and took a step forward, his eyes darkening minutely, “Yes, pirate.”

The space between them decreased, the outside world dimming as Ashton gulped around the tightness in his throat. The closeness of a branded criminal should have brought feelings of fear and anxiety, but for some reason, the closer Luke was, the calmer Ashton felt. The Captain’s presence wasn’t threatening, his eyes held no implication of harm, his body language freely interpreted as careful.

“I didn’t know,” was all Ashton could manage to squeak out, not remembering the gargantuan breath he had kept inside, his lungs crying out in relief as air escaped him.

Captain Hemmings tilted his head to the side as if in thought, went to say something and then seemed to change his mind. Crew members poured down the stairs in pairs, all talking over each other about the small victory of escaping and setting sail, to wherever it may be that the captain chose. With one more failed attempt at articulation, the captain took a step back, his presence falling from Ashton’s mental embrace.

“Do you regret boarding?” The captain finally asked, his eyes darting to the floor before looking back to Ashton.

“No,” Ashton said quickly and much more confidently than he thought it would have come out.

Ashton regretted a lot of things throughout his life, but boarding this ship was not one of them. He hadn’t had enough time to really gauge the situation and fully immerse himself in the question of regret but something in his soul was telling him that, no, he in fact did not and would not regret this decision. There was something right about this, the way the ship was carrying him into the future and away from his past, on board he could be anybody he wanted to be, the past left in the past.

“Good,” Luke said calmly, his voice going soft, his eyes melting into a warmer pool of blue. “This is where you will be needed.”

The statement caught Ashton briefly off guard, the words carrying weight that Ashton wasn’t sure if he had made up or if it was truly there. For a moment their conversation stopped, only the sounds of the crew heard until Luke elaborated, “Here in the galley. Your duties will be fulfilled here; this is where you’re needed. Your pay will come weekly.”

A crushing _something_ swept through Ashton at the elaboration, but he pushed it down and nodded to what Luke was saying, he had started some tangent about how the other galley boys didn’t have half a brain to share and even less skills for cooking, comparing the ship’s food to slop. A sense of self invaded Ashton, he knew he could be good at this, a purpose had been laid in front of him and he wouldn’t fail. Adventures laid on the horizon.

*

Ashton awoke to sunlight spilling into the cabins window, Luke graciously offering the cabin adjacent to his own to Ashton. While Ashton was flattered that he was given such a privilege he felt he did nothing to earn it so he wasn’t sure why he’d gotten it. He was sure there must have been someone on the crew who’d been there longer, proven useful and loyal that should have had it, but instead they were kept in the crew’s quarters below deck. Ashton didn’t understand Luke’s generosity in the slightest, but he appreciated it.

Ashton quickly readied himself for the day, rummaging through his few possessions to make himself presentable. He settled for what he had and made his way out of the cabin to be greeted by a smiling face and an arm wrapped around his shoulder. The stranger began to babble as he led Ashton to the galley, he introduced himself as Michael, his dark hair in disarray from the wind blowing about.

“Captain Hemmings sent me to show you to your duties,” Michael explained as they hopped off the last step that led to the galley, only a couple of people stood around, looking hopelessly lost. Aston remembered Luke saying that the galley boys weren’t the brightest in the bunch.

As Michael went into more detail about Ashton’s new purpose he found himself lost in the feeling of it all. Knowing what he was supposed to do, knowing that he was now doing things for reason rather than solely to keep himself from floating into obscurity felt welcoming, as if embracing him in a comforting hug. He realized shortly that his duties weren’t ostentatious and were rather remedial, but he had no desire to be anything bigger at the moment, he simply wanted to be.

The day wore on as Ashton attended to his galley duties, prepping meals for the crew, cleaning the galley and keeping Michael, who had a smart mouth, in check. Though Michael was infuriatingly bold with his words Ashton couldn’t help but think of him as loveable almost immediately. He had an attraction about him, he may have been loud and snarky, but for the most part he seemed harmless and willing to listen.

After the breakfast rush of crew members rushing in and out during their breaks Ashton and Michael got caught up in a rather surprising and almost meaningful conversation. The boat was sailing smoothly, and as far Ashton was concerned so was his new life.

“My mom always said, ‘when you know, you know’,” Michael explained, the topic revolving around ‘soulmates’.

Ashton hadn’t been well versed in the realm of ‘soulmates’, his mother rather mum about the whole topic. His only knowledge bled through from observation, only one incident engrained in his memory, but he pushed it down with resolve. There was enough time at night to shudder at the memory, to toss and turn relentlessly as it chased him through slumber, he didn’t want it to intrude on his daily life.

“I don’t know, I think it’s rather farfetched,” Ashton said pessimistically. “There’s no way you can just _know,_ you know?”

Michael stared back at him blankly for a moment before breaking out into a grin and tossing his head from side to side, “Right, soulmates don’t exist and the earth is flat.”

Ashton couldn’t help the eye roll he gave Michael; it only felt a natural way to express his annoyance. Nobody had ever truly listened to Ashton in this sort of debate, but to be fair, Ashton had hardly listened back.

“See it your way then, I’m just saying it doesn’t seem likely,” Ashton replied keeping the attitude out of his tone.

“You know what I think?” Michael asked suddenly, his giggles sobering, his features set and serious.

“No but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“I think you just don’t _want_ to believe in soulmates,” Michael explained.

Silence ensued for a moment as Ashton let the words fall over him like the breaking of a wave. It was startling and cold, even suffocating as he realized the truth in the words. Ashton didn’t want to believe in soulmates because soulmates implied happiness and wholeness, and for the past few months, Ashton hadn’t been happy or whole. He’d been scrambling, trying to stick pieces of himself back together that were shard and dangerous to touch, opening more wounds than closing.

Maybe Ashton didn’t want to believe in soulmates, but he knew the whole notion that a person could be so connected to you to the point that you never hurt was ridiculous, ludicrous, preposterous even. It didn’t seem natural to never hurt solely because of another living being. Reliance was foreign to Ashton, he’d never been one to lean on anybody, let alone whole heartedly _rely_ on someone. He always tried to make his own way, not only for himself, but for others. He appreciated any and all help he received along the way, but help and reliance were two very different things.

“Maybe,” Ashton relented and something in his voice must have clued Michael into the fact that he didn’t want to speak of it anymore, so he quickly changed subjects to something meaningless.

The rest of the day passed without incident or mention of soulmates, Michael rang the bell for dinner, the ravenous crew stomping their way into the galley, using makeshift seats of barrels and boxes to support themselves. Cacophonous sounds of conversation echoed off the walls, Ashton choosing to try and tune them out as he ate the meal he had helped prepare. It was modest, salted pork and vegetables, but the crew seemed elated at the prospect of something other than ‘slop’.

Ashton was seated next to Michael and next to Michael was seated a tanned boy that Michael seemed oddly fond of. Michael had introduced Ashton to the boy, telling him his name was Calum and even delving into the stories of how they wound up on board. They seemed to have no problem in sharing details about their lives previous to the ship, they were even said with smiles and Ashton was sure their stories would end in happily ever after’s, or whatever was closest to such a farfetched thing.

“What about you Ashton? I heard you were a little stowaway,” Calum pondered.

“I just wanted to start fresh,” Ashton explained rather dryly.

The two boys nodded as if in understanding, which sort of irked Ashton, there was no way they could possibly understand, but he let the feelings die down as soon as they had come. He knew holding that sort of outlook on things wouldn’t get him far, in fact, he was sure it would just push him further away from where he wanted to be.

“I think we’ve all felt that way once in a while,” Luke said as he took a few long strides over to their side of the table. While a smirk was placed upon his lips something was held in his eyes that made Ashton think he could _maybe_ begin to comprehend the feeling.

“Cheers to that,” Michael responded and held out his pewter cup to empty air. Luke laughed at the gesture while Calum was the only one to clink cups with Michael.

Luke took a seat at the only vacant spot which was just out of reach of the table and directly next to Ashton. He didn’t seem concerned with being at the head of the table or upholding his image of ‘leader’, he was happy just to be a part of things, and Ashton truly admired that quality. While Luke himself was quite the sight to see Ashton had a hard time peeling his eyes off the branding on his wrist. The small letter left only questions to be asked.

“I know it’s a sight for sore eyes,” Luke grumbled as he pulled the sleeve of his shirt down to cover the marking.

Ashton stumbled out an apology for his act of staring, his cheeks heating with embarrassment, but Luke seemed content to wave it off.

“Would you like to know how I got it?” Luke asked.

Ashton blinked in response; he wasn’t sure how to answer that question or how to feel about the fact that Luke was willing to let a total stranger in on his life so quickly. Perhaps though, Luke wasn’t so closed to the world, maybe his stories held no weight behind them, maybe he simply was okay with his past. It was a leap to assume such things but it was a digging reminder of his own past and so to pull himself out of his own dug hole he listened to Luke’s story intently.

“It was around three years ago when I was just sixteen that I climbed aboard my first boat in search of work. I was nothing but a measly mop boy, swabbing the decks day in and day out. The captain, he was a piece of work, there was something so off about him that the whole crew was wary, but you see, I needed the money even though it could barely buy me bread crumbs. We kept sail, our pace remarkably fast for nowhere to actually be, but one night he had us drop the anchor.

“He sent fifty of us out on rowboats, headed towards a ship with royal sails, he called it a ‘raid’ and had us convinced that we were only taking back what once was ours. Maybe if I hadn’t been so young and naïve I would have stayed behind but he offered rewards that I couldn’t refuse. Besides, I was sick of mopping the decks, this mission seemed exciting and full of purpose, so I went. Every day of my life I regret that decision and every night I can’t shake the memories of the men I’d worked so closely with slaughtering innocent lives to take what never was theirs and never should have been.

“I stood by idly, I didn’t know what to do, I’d never picked up a sword or weapon for that matter in my life, the crew had to haul me back onto the row boat once the flames were up. The captain sailed us straight into The Royal Harbor as if he had something to prove, guns were pointed at our ship the moment we came into sight. I was guilty by association and narrowly avoided being hanged alongside the captain. I guess they took pity on me for being so young, but they couldn’t just let me walk out without punishment.”

“So they branded you?” Ashton gathered.

The story sunk into Ashton’s bones, melting to his core. Empathy invaded him but he couldn’t find the right words to speak. His eyes were downcast as he really took in the story, the crew behind him caught in their own worlds as Ashton explored Luke’s. When he lifted his gaze he expected to see a scowl or a frown on the captain’s face but instead he smiled, not only with his perfectly shaped lips, but with his eyes.

“Good guess,” he chuckled, keeping the atmospheric bubble around them easy. “It took me two weeks to escape the gallows they’d held me in. They may not have taken the breath from my body, but they were intent on taking away my life.”

They sunk into a conversation regarding the future, the places Luke was setting to sail to, the adventures he was sure would come. Ashton found himself entranced by the way Luke spoke, his mouth forming words in a beautiful dance, his eyes the bluest and most shining ball gown to match. Just the act of looking at Luke dulled the pain of the past and put a sparkling emphasis on his future as he lived in the present.

The crew had long left the galley, Michael and Calum set out on their own excursion of activity while Luke and Ashton sat contentedly soaking up the others words. There was something undeniably gravitating about Luke, his presence comfortable and his tales laughable, he was just finishing up telling Ashton how he had procured his first ship when they realized the time.

“I should probably head to my cabin now,” Ashton said softly.

Luke nodded once and stood, “I’ll walk you.”

They lapsed into a comfortable lull in the conversation as they made their way on deck, most of the crew already tucked away into their quarters. Ashton reveled in the moonlight, eerie shadows cast upon the deck and rails, it was scenic and beautiful in a haunting sort of way. All too soon they approached the door that would lead to Ashton’s cabin, wordlessly they bid each other good night, Ashton entering his cabin with emotions rip tiding through him. He felt for a moment as if he were treading water out here, moving but getting nowhere, and oddly, he was okay with that, at least momentarily.

*

The next few days blurred together as they sailed on, the rocking of the ship becoming familiar to Ashton, the back and forth lulling him into dreamless sleep, which he was thankful for. His days were fulfilled in the galley with Michael, Calum occasionally popping down to hang around, Luke scarcely seen. Ashton wondered if there was something he had done to make the captain not keen on his company, but he reminded himself he was a busy man with many duties.

It was his fourth day at sea when Luke pulled Ashton out of the galley and his own thoughts with a startling hand placed on his shoulder, “Follow me.”

Ashton trailed behind Luke as they emerged on deck and over to the wheel of the ship, Luke pulled out a silver compass that was scratched and tarnished to hell and back. Luke read the compass and adjusted the wheel accordingly; wherever they were headed Ashton wasn’t sure and didn’t particularly feel like asking about. He did however want to know why Luke had requested him to follow.

“What did you need me for?”

With only a moment’s hesitation Luke looked to Ashton and replied monotonously, “I want you out of the galley.”

Ashton’s heart skipped a beat, he thought he had been doing a good job in preparing meals and keeping the galley clean, he couldn’t bear the thought of failing at something so _simple._ Luke must have picked up on the hurt that cut across Ashton’s face, undisguised as he swallowed down the lump in his throat, Luke quickly explaining himself further.

“I think you’ll be of more use by my side, you’re much too bright to be dulled by the shadows of the galley.”

A smile tugged its way onto Ashton’s face, the compliment received and appreciated though not totally believed. Unsure of what his new duties entailed other than being around Luke, which in of itself was a major pro, Ashton had slight anxiety at the unknown. He just couldn’t fail. Not when he was finally living for a reason and fulfilling a purpose.

“I want to teach you to read maps,” Luke explained, “I want you to be a navigator.”

“I can read a map,” Ashton replied.

“Not just any map. I want to teach you to read the stars.”

The notion made Ashton excited, so he quickly agreed, eager to learn. He was ultimately eager to be more than a galley boy and perhaps a bit of that eagerness was because he would be spending time with Luke, though that was an internal realization that Ashton wouldn’t allow outside of the depths.

“We’ll start tonight, after dinner,” Luke stated, an untold amount of anticipation in his eyes, glimmering like the unread stars. “Perhaps you wouldn’t mind in assisting in one last meal?”

“Of course not,” Ashton answered immediately.

“Then we’ll meet on deck,” Luke replied to which Ashton nodded and set off to the galley, the sooner the meal was prepared, the sooner he and Luke would be alone.

The meal was prepared faster than Ashton would have thought and he found himself surrounded by Michael and Calum once again, as had become the usual for dinners. He wasn’t truly paying attention to the conversation they were so wrapped up in along with each other’s embraces, Michael having a lazy arm thrown around Calum’s shoulders, Calum leaning into Michael’s side, until they mentioned soulmates.

“I think you just know, right?” Calum asked a little unsurely. Almost repeating what Michael had said Ashton’s first morning on the boat.

“That’s what I’ve always thought,” Michael answered. Ashton didn’t want to intervene on the conversation knowing his opinions were so starkly opposite but Michael invited his words. “Ashton over here doesn’t even believe in soulmates, at all.”

“Because I’ve never seen it happen,” Ashton admitted. “I don’t get why you keep saying that you’ll _know,_ what is this knowledge of soulmates everyone else seems to have?”

“I think you know it when you feel it,” Michael answered which made Ashton roll his eyes as the answer was as vague as possible, leaving more questions than answers.

“You know the feeling, the comfortability, the easiness, how everything seems brighter when they’re around, how you feel better,” Calum elaborated on behalf of Michael.

“But how would you guys even know that?” Ashton questioned a bit harshly, a bite in his words he couldn’t manage to keep out.

“We have each other,” Michael said without missing a beat.

Air caught in Ashton’s throat at the turn of events. It made sense that Michael and Calum thought they were soulmates, the way they were so fond of each other, the looks they shared. Ashton could feel the love radiating off of them, but that didn’t necessarily imply anything to do with soulmates, that just meant they were possibly in love.

“In the time we’ve known each other we’ve not so much as been bruised when in the others company,” Calum explained.

Ashton narrowed his eyes; there were endless possibilities as to why they had never been hurt with the other around. A list compiled itself in Ashton’s bitter thoughts; they’d never been in danger or threat of harm, they’d never had an accident, if they had an accident it hadn’t caused bodily harm it was purely innocent to injury. Instead of voicing his thoughts he just nodded in defeat, he wasn’t about to rain on their parade with his personalized gray cloud.

Ashton let the conversation die down not wanting to converse about the controversy of soulmates anymore. He quickly finished off his dinner and hurried his way on deck where Luke was speaking with a crew member. Luke’s tone was dark, his shoulders and jaw were set, his stance almost protective. Ashton didn’t mean to eavesdrop but he couldn’t help what he overheard.

“The moment we dock, you are off my ship, for good.”

The words were black and white, easily understood in their simplicity but holding implications that Ashton couldn’t begin to comprehend. He’d never seen Luke so angry, yet he had to remind himself he’d barely known Luke. The crew member who Ashton had not bothered to learn the name of squabbled around for words, excuses falling out of his mouth like drops in a bucket.

Luke excused the man who was quick to run off, knowing he had lost whatever battle it was that had been fought. Luke spun on his heel his face holding no clue as to what had just transpired between them. He smiled dazedly at Ashton and motioned for him to follow, the incident going unspoken as they entered Luke’s cabin. Ashton noticed many maps spread out on an oak desk among such trinkets that weren’t immediately recognizable to Ashton.

The lesson was filled with more stories than anything, Luke taking the time to explain constellations and how they were said to have become, his voice like music to Ashton’s ears, Luke had a way of speaking that could entrance anybody. His words seemed to be chosen carefully yet came naturally and quickly. Ashton could have sat and listened to Luke for hours, and he would have if Luke hadn’t stopped after explaining Orion to him.

Before the lesson could end Ashton had an intrusive question running through his mind that made an escape through his mouth, “Why me? Why do you want to teach me these things?”

Luke took a moment to answer, his eyes never wavering from the sight of Ashton, and while that usually would have made him nervous he felt as if he were being embraced. The way Luke looked upon him filled him with feeling so bright and vivid yet foreign and undecipherable. The only thing Ashton knew for certain was that he didn’t want Luke to look away.

“I see something special in you, I don’t think you were meant just for the galley,” Luke answered, the words stirred something in Ashton but he repressed it and shook his head as Luke continued his explanation. “I believe everything happens for a reason, and you quite literally came crashing aboard, I don’t think it was to maintain a galley. There’s something else there.”

Ashton left the cabin after that, wandering his way back to his own as the stars fell upon them. Now that he had a new knowledge of them he found their shine ten times more brilliantly breathtaking with sorrow. Each constellation held a story and served a purpose in navigation, that’s all Ashton wanted. And while aboard this ship, he’d felt that more than ever.

*

Lessons carried on dutifully and eventually Ashton was able to navigate on his own accord, Luke beaming at him with pride, Ashton’s stomach flipping in joy each time he was on the receiving end of those looks. Metaphorically and realistically it was smooth sailing for Ashton’s life, the dreams that usually possessed him had ultimately died down, washed away by the waves that carried them. Since stepping on the boat Ashton’s whole perspective on his life had changed drastically, for the better. He felt more alive, more comfortable in his own skin, and most importantly fulfilled.

Afternoon sunlight radiated the deck in a soft glow as they docked in Barcelona, Luke’s promise to the crew member not forgotten. Ashton had learned his name, Dean, just as he was ushered off the boat for good, somehow maintaining confidence in his step. Ashton hadn’t delved into asking questions of what Dean had done to be given the boot, in all honestly he was scared to ask, and more specifically scared of the answers.

Ashton followed Michael and Calum, unsure of what else to do, and they seemed confident in the direction they were headed. The streets of Barcelona were painted with vendors calling out in a beautiful language that Ashton couldn’t understand, trying to sell their fruits or handmade goods. As Ashton dubiously followed behind the pair he realized he was actually following Luke, the boys going off his for word for their place of lodging while the boat was docked, a small Inn just around the corner.

“Luke says it’s a home away from home,” Michael said to Calum who agreed with a head nod.

They entered the Inn and Ashton was inclined to believe Luke’s words even more than originally. The Inn was certainly homey, with a blazing fire in one corner and welcoming looking sofas sat in front of it. Off to the other side of the Inn was a rustic check in desk, a young lady appearing to be around the same age as Ashton stood behind it, her eyes attentive and Ashton could almost see the knowledge behind them.

While Ashton was sure they hadn’t been physically following Luke he appeared at the desk as if out of thin air and managed to secure three separate rooms for a decent amount of gold. Luke ushered the three to their dwellings for the night and reminded them he would be setting sail in the morning whether they were present or not, time management a necessity for this particular excavation. Luke seemed to want to get back to sailing as soon as possible, the matter of business he needed to attend here quick and precise.

Ashton walked off to his lone room, the bed inviting and warm, a fireplace ready to be lit if chills invaded him in the night. What few things Ashton had before the ship and what even fewer things he’d collected while on the ship were stowed away in his bag, loyally on his shoulder. He plopped the bag down on the bed, the contents slightly spilling out but it didn’t bother him much. A light knock on the door grabbed his attention as it swung open, the hinges giving off a slight whine. Calum stood in Ashton’s doorway, a mischievous smirk on his face.

Three words fallen from Calums mouth that had set the boys into action, “Let’s go explore.”

*

Their exploration began on the street outside the Inn, darkness falling upon them as the night settled in the sky, stars twinkling, the moon a tiny crescent. Ashton had asked why Michael hadn’t joined them for their adventure but Calum had been pretty tight lipped about the explanation, Ashton sensing he shouldn’t press the issue too far. The streets were not nearly as filled with people as when they had initially docked, yet nonetheless busy enough. The boys peaked inside shops and bakeries, the aromas to tempting to resist. The culture surrounding them was a clash to their homes and they found it extremely irresistible.

Hours passed in a blur as they found the fun in the most mundane things until they finally settled that they would hit up the tavern before heading back to the Inn, needing to end the night in a fashionable way. As they entered the tavern memories of a short time ago floored Ashton, comparatively to where he was then and now was a huge contrast, everything seemed to be so much better. His world seemed to be brighter, his feelings happier, and his future optimistic.

Calum ordered liquor for them, this time the clear liquid was drunk in celebration rather than remorse. After a slew of drinks, conversation and a bit of hazy vision Ashton had convinced himself and was working on convincing Calum that it was time for them to leave, the tavern mostly cleared out save for the few intimidating looking men in the corner. The sun was even starting to rise, their adventure getting way out of proportion, the boat would be leaving soon, with or without them.

“C’mon, we have to go,” Ashton slurred slightly as he tugged on Calum’s sleeve.

Calum had little resistance in the matter, his more inebriated state subjectable to what Ashton was doing. He tottered on his feet unevenly as Ashton began to pull him away from the bar and towards the door. With his back facing the exit Ashton managed to get Calum moving finally, only as he turned around he bumped into something, or rather, _someone._ Gone from their position at the back corner were the men of intimidating stature and features.

“Uh oh,” Calum drunkenly giggled as he realized that the men had lined up in front of their escape.

Ashton was panicked, sobering as their reality set in. These men were common criminals, their weapons on proud display in their holsters, not trying to hide them in the slightest. Ashton had nothing of value to offer these men and he assumed Calum had about the same. Thinking quickly for words to get them out of the predicament Ashton immediately came up with a loss. His intuition told him that logic would be lost on these men who were now brandishing their weapons.

“We’re not looking for trouble,” Ashton almost pled, hating the way his voice was cracking, hating the way _he_ was cracking. Yet, he held onto Calum who showed no sign of sobering, his eyes still dazed with his consumption of alcohol. Ashton wanted to curse Calum out for this but kept his cool for the both of them.

“Well, it seems we have a conflict of interest,” most likely the leader sparred off. “We _are_ trouble.”

In one swift movement Calum was gone from Ashton’s clutches and had nailed the leader in the face, his fist connecting with a deafening crunch. Ashton’s perception of the events unraveled in slow motion and yet he felt as if he was stuck, his body not able to move, doomed to a perpetual state of paralysis. The leader had no trouble in striking back, his blade brandished in seconds and then gone as it plunged into Calum’s side. Ashton had built up a scream of terror that went unnoticed as gun fire shot through the small tavern from behind them, the noise ringing through Ashton’s ears.

The menacing men scattered out the door as Calum hit the floor with a thud, Ashton dropping to his knees, blood coating his hands as he pulled Calum up. Footsteps approached and suddenly a girl who would later be recognized joined Ashton on the floor, supporting a still bleeding Calum. In this instance Ashton was completely and utterly lost, his vision swimming in a pool of tears as the girl helped the two of them stand, she seemed to take charge naturally as she led them out, Calum supported between the both of them.

Ashton couldn’t ask questions, he could barely keep his mind processing as they walked the streets surpassing the Inn, the sun in all its morning glory seemingly so wrong after the gruesome event. How the girl knew to lead them to the ship that already had its sails raised was beyond Ashton at the moment, Calum had started to sag, the knifes handle that was still in his side catching on the sunlight and making a dazzling spot of light as they walked up the gangway, shouts filling the air as the crew took in the sight.

Ashton and the girl gently set Calum down, he was now wheezing, his breath coming in short labored pants. Luke was beside Ashton now, barking commands to the crew to find Michael. Ashton felt void, he knew there were a million emotions brewing inside of him but he internally suppressed them and welcomed the darkness edging its way in. Luke was reassuring, who he was reassuring was lost to Ashton, but his words were helpful, just his presence a comfort.

Eventually Michael was informed and as soon as he stepped onto the deck Calum’s color had gone from deathly pale to almost normal in seconds. It didn’t make sense to Ashton, the closer Michael got the better Calum looked, once Michael was beside Calum, gripping his hand. Luke told Calum to count to three, and when he hit that precious number he tore the knife out of his side.

Ashton expected screams of pain and a pouring of blood when the blade came out, but the only screams he heard were in his own head, bouncing around his mind in a forceful memory. Calum was recuperating quickly, Michael crying in relief, his tears staining the deck much like the salt water that sprayed aboard with the waves. Ashton’s mind was boggled, he was exhausted; mentally, physically, and mostly emotionally.

Michael’s grip on Calum’s hand only intensified as he got better, muttering a mantra over and over, “I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.”

Calum sat up, though he looked dazed, he looked healthy, not even a scar left behind from the blade, it was like it hadn’t even happened at all. Calum quickly tackled Michael in a hug, not caring that the crew was watching them like hawks. Luke laughed aloud in relief when the two boys collided. Ashton was still dumbfounded but elated that Calum was magically okay.

“I’m so sorry Mikey, I really am.”

The audience surrounding them didn’t bother them much but Luke stood and hollered for everyone to get back to work, that the boat wasn’t going to sail itself. The girl who Ashton finally recognized from checking them in at the Inn stood, Luke speaking to her lowly. Ashton stood too, his limbs crying out in pain as he exerted much of his tired self to carry Calum all the way here.

Not sure what to do or where to go after such dramatics Ashton stood still, Michael and Calum still wrapped up in each other’s embraces. Luke waved Ashton over the few feet that separated them. The girl was still speaking with Luke but took the time to introduce herself to Ashton as Ashley. Her pistol was tucked into a holster that was wrapped around her thigh, a slit in her skirt revealing the weapon. Ashton looked away quickly, but Ashley laughed it off and even showed him the gun. Ashton vehemently thanked her for her aid but she waved it off as if it were common.

“How did you know to bring us to the ship?” Ashton finally asked, the question not leaving his mind.

“I recognized you, knew this one was setting sail in the morning. I didn’t think you’d want to be left behind.”

“We didn’t,” Ashton spoke on behalf of his self and Calum. “Thank you, again.”

Calum came up behind Ashton and thanked Ashley on his own accord, Michael wrapped around him as if he were prepared to never let him go.

“You soulmates sure are sickening,” Ashley teased once the formalities were exchanged and Michael still wouldn’t unravel himself from Calum.

Ashton shook his head to himself, that just wasn’t possible, and yet he’d witnessed it. There was no other explanation to the event. Medically Calum should not have survived; yet, there he was looking as healthy as ever. Ashton was completely checked out and apparently Luke noticed for he swept Ashton to the side and walked him back to his cabin, soft words spoken but not entirely heard. Ashton lay down as Luke exited, closing the door softly behind him, Ashton floating into unconsciousness.

*

_It was a hot night, the moon barely visible through the fog that lined the night sky; stars couldn’t even peek out to show their brilliance. Ashton loitered on the street outside his childhood home; he had fled only a few months ago and was already back, out of luck. He’d left to find a job, to find income to help his family, and now he was crawling back, defeated. His family; broke. He mustered up the courage to face his mother; he knew deep down that she would never be disappointed in him, but at the circumstances, surely._

_Before Ashton could step a foot onto the property, the door flung open and his siblings came barreling at him, tackling him in hugs and chatting his ear off. Easily he swept them up and carried them inside; their small bodies flung over both his shoulders, giggles erupting as he set them down and stood. There before him was his mother, the hope on her face heart breaking, the lump in his throat growing, tightening, choking him as his reality forcibly faced him._

_He couldn’t come right out and say it, there was no way his mouth could form the words that screamed so loudly in his mind. ‘I’ve failed you’, repeated over and over, each time growing stronger and louder as his mind played out a million different ways this scenario could have gone. Apparently words were not needed, a mother knows all, for Anne swept her son up in a hug and cooed in his ear how amazing he was for trying, for being. Ashton didn’t feel amazing. No, he felt less than. Inadequate. He was the man of the house now, and he couldn’t handle it. He wasn’t even a ‘man’. He was still just a boy._

_*_

_Fourteen candles lined a burnt birthday cake, the edges blackened as it was forgotten in time. Ashton closed his eyes tight, the heat from the flames warming his cheeks as he leaned over the cake, his wish becoming a mantra in his mind as he blew out the flames. Only one word, a thousand different meanings, a millions different reasons why. ‘Help’._

_Two days later Ashton embraced his mother one last time, thanking her for the birthday, promising her he would do his best. His siblings didn’t quite understand why Ashton had to leave or where he was going, but he promised them he would come home as soon as possible. A snap of reins called Ashton’s attention as he looked back at the small horse drawn carriage that would take him away. Ashton had secured a job to work with a blacksmith, many towns away. His pay would be sent straight to his family, his room and board covered in his work._

_With a watery smile and one last wave goodbye, Ashton set off on his new adventure, or so his mother had kept calling it. Ashton wasn’t quite convinced on that, but try as he might he couldn’t dislike the blacksmith either. As soon as he arrived at the shop, the old man welcomed him with outstretched arms and a warm smile, his aging wife to his right. The old man introduced himself as Mr. Smith- save the giggles for he knew the irony of his name and his trade._

_As time went on, things got easier, Ashton grew fonder of the old couple, feeling at home as much as he possibly could, still he missed his own family terribly. Mr. Smith became much of a role model to Ashton, the closest thing in his life to a ‘father’. Mr. Smith guided Ashton through his adolescence, kept a watchful eye on him as he grew, and as far as Ashton was concerned was the reason his family was supported._

_While Ashton knew Mr. Smith was watching over him as he grew, Ashton had seen just as much back, the way he and his wife were so clearly in love, the fondness between the two of them. Ashton didn’t have knowledge of soulmates at that time, he’d heard the word being tossed around occasionally by acquaintances, but didn’t have a definition to match. Mr. and Mrs. Smith were the closest things to soulmates Ashton had ever encountered. He’d never gotten around to asking them about it, he just assumed, as they did as well, there was just no denying it._

_*_

_“Why?” Ashton had one day asked Mr. Smith randomly, the one worded question catching the older man off guard._

_“Why, what my boy?”_

_“Why did he leave? Was I really that bad?” Ashton asked as his voice cracked._

_Mr. Smith shook his head solemnly, taking in the sight of the broken boy. Ashton had never opened up much to anyone about his past- save for his family who was there to witness it. Mr. Smith was the first person he’d openly told about his father and his departure. It wasn’t as if Ashton stayed up every night wondering and doubting but every now and then a digging reminder of his situation caught up to him, and in these times he craved answers._

_“It’s not because you were bad. It’s because he was. He was a coward, and it’s not your fault,” Mr. Smith said gently and placed a supportive hand on Ashton’s shoulder._

_The sentiment was well received from Ashton, the words quelling whatever emotions had been bubbling inside of him. It was nice to know that not everyone Ashton looked up to looked down on him. As if sensing the moment, Mrs. Smith popped into the shop for a visit, a basket filled with goodies adorning her arms._

_“Treats for my two favorite men,” she called out as she set the basket down, Ashton’s heart filling as he blinked away the worked up tears. Things were going to be okay._

_Soon enough the old couple felt amazingly familiar, like the grandparents he never got to know. Mr. Smith was incredibly important to Ashton, his wife just as much so. They were family. The same blood did not run through them, but that didn’t matter to Ashton._

_*_

_Mr. Smith sent Ashton out on his nineteenth birthday, the older man had ordered something special for Ashton for the day but was not able to pick it up himself, a cold keeping him bedridden. Ashton had a skip in his step that night, his mood unusually jaunty as he surpassed the shop filled streets, his bag in hand as he marched on, told not to peek at it until he got home, and he was sworn to keep his word. His mood came crashing down as he rounded the street corner to find chaos filling the streets; citizens had fled from their homes to gather around a house engulfed in flames._

_Ashton’s heart hammered its way to the bottom of his stomach as he watched his home away from home decimate to the ground. The bag clutched in his hand fell to the dirty ground as he pushed his way past the line of people, water splashing from buckets as the town tried to aid in putting the fire out. It seemed no use to Ashton at this point, the flames were dying down but the rubble left behind brought tears to his eyes. Panic set in when he couldn’t find Mr. and Mrs. Smith in the crowd, his elbows working furiously to push people out of the way._

_Atop the hill that the small house sat on Ashton could just make out figures being hauled down, screams slicing through the chatter that filled his ears. Tears soaked his cheeks as he made his way to the figures, burnt and disfigured yet recognizable to Ashton. Mr. and Mrs. Smith lay unmoving in the arms of townspeople. A man was calling out furiously for a doctor, others were baffled that they’d even been harmed from the fire; they had after all been together. Ashton sunk into the crowd as it became apparent there was no fixing the irreparable damage done, they were already gone._

_Sobs racked his entire body as he shrunk back, going unnoticed as the crowd pushed forward. Eventually, once he’d gained his composure enough to run off that is exactly what he had done; made a grab for the fallen bag and sprinted away as the screams chased him, the haunting images always one step ahead. As he ran he felt as if he were the one on fire, his whole body burning, his tears never ending as if he were trying to put his own flames out. He didn’t know how far he ran or where he was going, but eventually he came upon an Inn, with a few gold coins in his pocket, he stopped to take refuge, his mind in no condition to figure out a plan yet._

_*_

Ashton was startled out of his nightmare as the door to his cabin opened, moonlight spilling through. Once Luke had walked him back to his cabin he had immediately laid to take a nap, his emotional exhaustion catching up to him, it seems that he had slept longer than intended. Luke was illuminated by the shine of the moon, his features soft and worried as he looked over Ashton. Offering a small smile Luke stepped into the room fully and closed the door behind him.

“Rough morning, huh?” Luke asked his voice as soft as his features, his footsteps light on the wooden floor as he walked towards the end of the bed to take a seat.

Ashton hoisted himself up and nodded, his eyes scanning around the room, the events coming back to him; the tavern, the men at the tavern, Calum, Michael and Calum. While it made sense now, all the events were smudged out at the ends, encased in a tint of darkness.

“I suppose you could say that,” Ashton bitterly laughed. “Calum’s alright though?”

While he remembered the healing that Calum had miraculously went through there was always that sprinkle of doubt in the back of Ashton’s mind, sometimes it would flame up and eat him alive if not quelled immediately.

“A little tired, but he should be just fine with Michael by his side,” Luke answered.

A lapse of silence fell between them, all of Ashton’s anxiety from the dream melting away, all his troubles seemingly meaningless for the moment. He drank in the moment, trying to engrain it in his memory for the next time he felt troubled. Luke was content to stare at Ashton, their gazes meeting in a beautiful dance; the room spinning out of focus, all Ashton could see was Luke.

Luke broke the moment when he cleared his throat and stood, “Dinner is ready.”

Ashton nodded to acknowledge Luke’s words before he left the room; once the door was closed Ashton sank back into his bed, his large hands covering his face as he sighed. He wasn’t sure what was going on with him, and he mostly wasn’t sure why it felt so right. There was no denying the attraction Ashton felt towards Luke, physically, emotionally, every aspect of Ashton was drawn to the pirate, he just didn’t know why. He groaned as he got out of bed to head to the galley for dinner.

Greeting him as he walked in was a massive hug from Calum who incessantly thanked Ashton for essentially saving his life. Ashton brushed off the thanks, knowing he really didn’t do much at all, if it weren’t for Ashley taking control, he wouldn’t have known what to do. If it weren’t for Michael just being Michael there would have been nothing to do. Of course, he didn’t voice these thoughts, he humored Calum and let him drag him to their usual seats next to Michael, only there was an extra seat tonight, filled by the one and only Ashley.

“Good nap, eh?” She quipped with an American accent, the formation of the words in Ashton’s ears foreign but beautiful, like the ringing of a bell.

“Sure,” Ashton answered vaguely, the word falling flat with meaning. Ashley seemed to understand whatever implications Ashton couldn’t that were behind the word and let the conversation die before it was even born.

“Ashley here’s the newest kick ass crew member,” Michael answered the unasked question on Ashton’s mind.

“Congratulations,” Ashton said, his words were still tired, his mind gone back to the depths of where the intrusion of a dream had taken him.

Ashton was really glad that Ashley was aboard, he could tell he would get along with her just fine as she and Michael got in a verbal sparring match over God knows what, it was just hard to express that at the moment. Throughout the meal Ashton kept light conversation with his friends, welcoming the normalcy of it all after such events. Still, his whole mood was immensely dampened, he felt wrung out yet somehow heavy.

Once the meal was over he spotted Luke in the corner of the galley, shadows cutting across his face as he hung back. Once Luke realized he had a pair of eyes on him he waved Ashton over with his arm as he nodded his head towards the stairs. Ashton moved almost automatically, not realizing he had made the decision to move, he just started to. People still lingered around the galley, putting off going back to their duties for as long as possible, usually Luke would have ordered them back to work but something was different tonight, he was quieter as they waked up the stairs together, side by side.

Once they reached the deck Luke sighed as he turned to face Ashton, the night wearing on strongly, the moon ominous between thick clouds. The scenery had a chill running up Ashton’s spine, words from his mother long ago floating past him, something long forgotten about past lives and shivers that meant something much more. Ashton wasn’t able to reach out to those words and get a hold on them, but they still resonated somewhat within him.

“I’ve never liked nights like these,” Luke said, his words stopping before meaning was revealed.

“Everything feels different,” Ashton thought aloud as he looked up, oddly entranced yet slightly terrified by the moon.

“Darker,” Luke tacked on.

“It’s like night has somehow intensified,” Ashton prattled.

Though the night was chilling, being next to Luke had his fear at bay. Luke leaned over the railing and then looked back to Ashton, his eyes saucers as his lips trembled with unspeakable words. Ashton wanted to reach out but he didn’t, instead he waited.

“It feels better though, with you around,” Luke finally managed to say.

It was as if Luke had taken the words right out of Ashton’s mind, though Ashton was hoping to keep them there it _did_ feel better knowing Luke felt the same. Instinctually Ashton leaned a bit closer to Luke, their hands brushing, a million falling stars bursting at the contact.

“Everything feels better,” Ashton whispered, he feared for a moment he had misspoke, that revealing his own truths would drive a wedge between them, but Luke only got closer. Their bodies were only inches apart, Luke’s hand brushing up Ashton’s arm as their gazes held.

The world around them blurred out, most of the crew oblivious to their own oblivion, a beautiful conundrum created around them. Ashton’s vision heightened; Luke all sharp angles, glowing light, and melting blue. Something wondrous stirred in Asthon’s tummy, light and free. He couldn’t recognize the feeling but God; he never wanted it to go away. As Luke inched closer, Ashton’s blood pumped faster, his heart beat racing against his blood in a never ending battle. They were lost to the world, but had finally found each other, knowing they were exactly where they needed to be.

Their lips pressed together softly at first, tentative and gentle, like learning to slow dance. Ashton’s eyes fluttered shut, his other senses heightened as he embraced the feeling of Luke. He was soft and warm yet rough around the edges, a perfectly complimented contrast. Ashton didn’t want to pull away but eventually did as he cursed the necessity of breathing, their foreheads pressed together as they regained control of their breath. Luke had found a grip on Ashton’s waist that fell as he stepped back minutely, a smirk on his face.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Luke admitted, his otherwise confident demeanor staining pink on his cheeks.

Ashton giggled in reply as he shook his head and bit his lip. He wasn’t sure what to say, there was _too_ much to say, so many unsaid feelings and pent up emotions, but he didn’t want to discuss it here. Not when eyes and ears could wander, this was a private discussion to be had.

As if reading his mind once more Luke spoke up, “Meet me in my cabin, tomorrow after breakfast, we can talk then.”

Ashton agreed and Luke took off to command the ship and the crew that had evidently began to slack off with the absence of the captain. Ashton went to his cabin feeling as if he were floating in midair, his whole being light and bubbly. That night he fell asleep peacefully.

*

Ashton joined the crew in the morning for breakfast, eager to finish so he could speak with Luke, only good feelings flowing through him at the thought. He didn’t mean to get caught up in conversation, but he had, Ashley capturing his mind with her words. It was like he couldn’t escape the topic of soulmates, it was following behind him, a permanent shadow that even the darkest of nights couldn’t get rid of.

“There’s got to be someone out there for everyone,” she explained her reasoning for belief.

“Maybe not everyone,” Ashton rebutted, sticking to his guns.

“Why?” Ashley asked her question simple yet making Ashton think deeply.

“Not everybody wants somebody,” Ashton said with a shrug. “Not everybody needs somebody.”

“Maybe,” Ashley relented slightly, still not completely convinced.

Ashton, for once not ready to drop the subject, kept on, “And say everyone does have someone meant for them, what are the chances you’ll meet them, out of everyone in the world?”

“Do you believe you’ll meet yours?” She fired back.

“Who’s to say?”

“You, because you’ll just know.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but I still can’t trust it,” Ashton mumbled.

Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes, obviously done with Ashton’s negative outlook. She excused herself once she was finished with her meal and went to the store room where her new duties lay. Ashton shortly after left, headed to Luke’s cabin, the door open but the room vacant. He waited outside the door, not wanting to intrude, Luke quickly caught up to him, something dull in his usually glowing expression. His eyes looked a little dazed and that had Ashton worrying for a moment.

Nonetheless, Luke led them into the room and closed the door behind him, his back to Ashton for an undeterminable amount of time, his shoulders sagged, his stature seemingly tiny even though he towered over Ashton. For a split second, Ashton was reminded of Luke’s age, the fact that he was only nineteen, no matter how important he was on the ship, no matter how tall and broad he was, he was still getting used to being considered a ‘man’.

When Luke finally turned around Ashton could see the sadness pooling in his eyes, “I just thought you felt the same.”

“What?” Ashton croaked out, definitely taken aback by the words. His heart thumped uncomfortably hard in his chest as Luke stammered out more of an explanation.

“I thought you felt the same about us, the same way I feel. I thought you felt it too, but I heard you in the galley. You just _don’t._ ”

Ashton was lost, Luke had him more confused than the most complex constellation, until something in the back of his mind clicked. _Soulmates._ Ashton considered the possibility that Luke was trying to convey that he thought they were soulmates, but he wrote it off as ludicrous, they hadn’t even known each other a year, there was no way they could know if they were in love, let alone something as far as a stretch as soulmates. Ashton backtracked though, when he saw the way Luke was looking at him, he instinctively knew that was indeed what he was talking about.

“I-I don’t know,” Ashton said shakily, his breath fleeting. “I don’t know what I know other than the fact that I like you, a lot. Everything is better when you’re around. Everything is easier, everything seems _right._ But how can I possibly know that we’re-we’re..”

“Why? Why is it so hard for you to believe let alone just say?”

“I _want_ to believe,” Ashton began, honesty dripping from his words, time shifting his point of view, he wanted to believe, but it was just so hard. “It’s just not that easy, not after everything.”

“After what?” Luke asked gently, noting the way Ashton seemed to be cracking; the desperation in his voice, the shaking of his hands, his complexion gone pale.

Ashton took a deep breath and tried to collect himself the best he could, he’d never shared this part of his life with anyone, but something was telling him he should. Once he’d blinked the tears away and regained his control he divulged into the story, the heartbreak as raw as when it happened. It almost felt liberating to get the weight of the world off his shoulders but then guilt took over, he knew he’d run away, he knew he’d abandoned his family, only his pay sent to them as a small reminder he was still alive and thinking of them.

“I just don’t know how to know what I’m feeling after feeling so empty yet so much at the same time,” he concluded.

Luke took his hand as a sign of solidarity; it was comforting and an appreciated sentiment. As if in understanding Luke nodded his head, “Then take your time. There’s no need to rush. We’re just drifting right now, together.”

Boldly, Ashton hugged Luke, the embrace more meaningful than the kiss they’d shared, Ashton whispered into the crook of Luke’s neck, “Thank you. Thank you for understanding.”

Luke leaned down, his lips brushing against Ashton’s curls, “Maybe I jumped the gun a little early; maybe I just wanted you to be so badly that I convinced myself I was feeling these things, that I knew. Let’s just figure it out. Slowly. We have all the time in the world.”

*

Over the next few weeks the boat docked several times, each with a purpose, cargo and crew members exchangeable. Ashton and Luke took things slowly, exploring each other in different realms than before; they let their feelings flow freely. Calum and Michael always seemed to share knowing glances with each other, as if they were in on the whole escapade. Ashley kept a close eye on the two, as if she was there to catch them if they fell. Ashton was a little wary that everyone seemed to know what was going on between them personally, but no one seemed to have any negative feelings about it.

Ashton leaned over the rail of the deck, the rocking of the boat a constant rhythm that swayed his body. Arms wrapped around his waist from behind, he eased into the touch, his whole body on automatic reaction to the familiar gesture. Luke rested his head on Ashton’s shoulder, sighing contentedly as they looked out to the sea, the waves still. In the distance, sails could just barely be made out, the white blending with the puffy clouds in the afternoon sky. Luke seemed to tense slightly, Ashton remembering his story of the raid.

“What’s wrong?” Ashton asked as he turned in Luke’s hold, lifting his chin to meet Luke’s eyes that were contemplative.

“Nothing, it shouldn’t be a problem,” Luke said, either trying to convince himself or Ashton, or perhaps the both of them.

“What shouldn’t?”

“The boat,” Luke explained. “I don’t think it’s threatening.”

Ashton let the words settle around them, keeping his back to the boat, as if out of sight out of danger. Luke’s grip tightened, his eyes widening as he shook his head vehemently back and forth. Ashton knew this wasn’t adding up to be good, especially when Luke swung them around and started marching Ashton towards his cabin, words muttered of staying in there and to not open the door for anyone but him. Ashton didn’t want to be hidden away, to be separated from Luke, especially when there was a good chance of danger.

“Luke, I-“Ashton tried to get a word in edgewise, but ultimately couldn’t.

“Please, just stay?” Luke asked, his eyes completely glossed over, the last word drowned out as gun fire echoed around, someone taking a nasty hit as the bullet found a home. Ashton couldn’t refuse Luke’s request but he wasn’t just going to let him leave without _something_ being done first.

Hastily, Ashton pressed their lips together, heated and filled with urgency, the action expressing more than words ever could. There wasn’t enough time to say what needed to be said so Ashton settled for a silent communication. Luke got caught up in the moment, his hands tangling in Ashton’s curls, Ashton’s own hands cupping Luke’s cheeks. Only the screams of the crew broke them apart, Luke running off after shutting the door on Ashton, Ashton then locking it.

The screams brought him back to the darkest of times, his mind muddled in an in-between state of the past and the present. Time dragged on, it felt like hours but could have only been minutes by the time Ashton had had enough of sitting idly by as the danger grew stronger. He threw caution and Luke’s request to the wind, opening the door to step into the surrounding battle. It was a full out raid, notorious pirates trying to overtake Luke’s ship. The enemy was sorely outnumbered though, weapons and crew wise.

Ashley had just slain an incoming pirate, his body falling to the ground as her sword struck through him, blood spattering wood in a wash of red. The captain of the opposing ship was calling out for retreat, his men using ropes to swing back to their ship, rowboats not necessary as they had pulled straight up to the vessel. Ashton was caught up once again in pushing past the crowd, his elbows working furiously to pave a path to Luke.

Luke was in a standoff with the other captain, the chaos forgotten, Ashton had gotten to his side only once the attackers had fully retreated and were back on their boat. Luke’s whole body was locked when Ashton reached him, his eyes trained on the captain that stood on the bow of his boat. As the boats set course for different ways, the new waves starting to carry them off, it was a battle against time for Luke to draw his gun first. The enemy captain ripped out a menacing laugh as he fired off a shot, Luke’s gun falling from his grip when the startling noise erupted.

Blood spilled from the enemy, a hole ripped through his chest, his white shirt now covered in red. Ashton whipped his head around to see Ashley with a smoking barrel in her clutches, a look of determination plastered on her face. Ashton’s heart was beating out of control when the captain fell, Luke seemingly unfazed as he towed himself and Ashton to the depths of the boat.

Immediately Ashton was checking Luke over for injury but there seemed to be nothing to show for the battle. Ashton was intent on finding the bullet hole but Luke was adamant that the shot had missed. His shirt sleeve had been torn on the upper arm, right around the area where the bullet should have lodged itself, but no injuries revealed themselves. Ashton was still in a state of chaos mentally, it was easy for anyone to see, especially Luke who held him close, closer, until their bodies became one and Ashton let himself go.

“I’m just so glad you’re okay,” Ashton cried out, the relief evident in his voice.

Luke hushed Ashton, a hand brushing through his hair, trying to calm him. Eventually though, all good things must come to an end, Luke had to excuse himself to get the crew and the boat back in order, only once he’d made sure Ashton was alright. As Luke waked off, Ashton couldn’t hear the small clink that sounded, would not see the object falling from Luke’s body and rolling on the wooden floor. Luke would not tell Ashton that the object had been a bullet, and he could not tell Ashton that the bullet had been in his arm.

*

One week after the raid Ashton found himself wandering out of his cabin unsure of his destination, but seemingly following a familiar path. Soon enough he ended up at Luke’s cabin door, his hand reaching out for the handle. Slowly and silently he pushed the door open, a beam of moonlight illuminating Luke in his sleep. Luke stirred when the door closed, his eyes half open to the image of Ashton, wordlessly he pushed over, making enough room for Ashton to climb into the bed with him, their bodies wrapped around each other, fitted perfectly to one another.

The raid made a quick sweep through his mind, the panic he felt when he was uncertain of Luke’s safety, the willingness to thrust himself into danger to make sure he was okay had been unexplainable to him at first. Of course Ashton cared deeply for Luke, he may have been well on his way to falling in love with him, but that didn’t constitute the hazardous decisions he had made. He pushed the raid out of his mind, and focused on the here and now, the way Luke was so closely holding him, the sound of his soft snores, and the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around him.

Nothing in Ashton’s life had ever felt so right, the moment incomparable to anything he’d ever experienced. He didn’t care if he had any sort of physical confirmation as to if they were soulmates or not, Ashton could just feel it now, he finally _knew._ With mental promises of telling Luke in the morning, he drifted to sleep, his hand closing around the hand Luke had placed on Ashton’s middle.

Morning came quickly, Ashton only half remembering the night when he woke. He knew he had ventured out of his cabin last night and it was only a slight surprise to roll over and come eye to eye with a smiling Luke. In that instance, Ashton wanted to wake up to that every morning for the rest of his life.

“Good morning, blanket thief,” Luke whispered through a small giggle.

Ashton smiled back and uttered an apology, only halfheartedly though; as much as Ashton had stolen blankets from Luke last night, Luke had taken up almost the whole of the bed.

“Good morning, bed hog,” Ashton replied back once the ‘apology’ was said and done.

Luke answered with his own ‘apology’, neither of them truly caring; they had each other for warmth and comfort. Little reminders of Ashton’s revelation last night bombarded him as he looked at Luke, his feelings clear as the new morning sky.

Luke flopped over onto his back with a groan as he rubbed at his tired eyes, “As much as I would love to stay here all day, I best be getting to work.”

Ashton sighed and let him go, knowing he was right. There would be another more appropriate time to confess. They after all, had all the time in the world.

Ashton reprised his role in the galley for the day, tired of the slop the other crew members cooked up. It was nice to rejoin Michael’s company as well, the dark haired man somehow able to read Ashton like a book. With small smirks directed at Ashton and knowing little quips Michael had efficiently annoyed Ashton by the time they were calling the crew down for dinner, Michael singing a silly song of how Luke and Ashton were ‘meant to be’.

Ashton tried at retaliation, throwing around Calum’s name as often as he could to try and get him to shut up, but that only started him on tangents of how wonderful Calum was. Whatever Ashton tried, it backfired. Michael was like a loaded gun with the safety off, ready to be fired at any moment. Calum and Ashley caught up to Ashton and Michael for dinner, their small crowd sitting in their designated seats, Luke even able to join the crew for dinner this time.

Ashton wanted to come right out and reveal his newfound knowledge, but there were too many people around for his comfort. And he especially did not want to do it in front of Michael. He promised himself that tonight, when he and Luke were alone; he was going to tell him. Little did he know, Luke had something he wanted to tell Ashton as well.

*

Before the crew would ultimately resign themselves to sleep Luke called a meeting, his crew dragging their asses onto the deck to hear their captain. Ashton was in the front of the crowd, listening to Luke’s words; they didn’t hold the utmost importance to Ashton, his speech mostly thanking the crew for their labor and since his trades over the past few months had gone swimmingly they would all be getting a raise. It was great to know Ashton’s family would have a little extra money sent to them when they docked, but Ashton couldn’t wait for the speech to be over so he could speak with Luke privately.

Unfortunately for Ashton just as the crew was about to disperse action struck. A Royal Navy boat bombarded them, calling for the surrender of their captain. A new round of chaos barreled its way into Ashton’s life, untimely and frustrating. Luke ran for the wheel of the ship, cutting it so that they would veer off the course of their pursuers. The Navy may have been well equipped with the largest boat and the most weapons, but Luke had something they didn’t; speed. The boat cut through the waves, veering, almost forcing Ashton off his feet.

Cannon fire sounded, almost colliding with the hull of the ship. Ashton regained control over his legs after the nasty turn and ran to Luke’s side, nothing going to keep him away this time. The crew had scattered to their battle stations, their retaliation strong as a few of The Royals boarded the ship from swinging ropes and small row boats. The Royal ship had taken a hard hit the wood splintering, the foundation of the boat crumbling.

Ashton stayed behind Luke’s shoulder while he maintained the wheel, the crew compromising their battle positions to keep The Royals away from Luke while he managed their new course. The Royal ship was quickly going down as Luke’s crew fended them off. Blow after blow had their enemies sinking, many men jumping overboard or hoping to catch a row boat. It was a quickly fought battle, their victory sweet until Ashton spotted the captain holding onto the bow of the boat, climbing his way up, his eyes set on Luke.

Ashton couldn’t form words; his throat was closing in as the captain drew his gun. Even though Ashton was a hundred percent certain that Luke would be okay as long as Ashton was by his side there was no way he was going to let him take a hit. Ashton shielded an oblivious Luke to the bullet, after the firing a quick retreat came over the captain once the crew saw him. The force of the bullet hitting Ashton had him stumbling back, falling into Luke’s open arms.

Nothing hurt. The world didn’t fade away from Ashton. The breath didn’t leave his body. He was okay. Luke hovered over Ashton, wet streaks staining his pale cheeks as he gazed at him. The bullet was pushing its way out of Ashton’s skin as his body healed itself, Luke pulling Ashton into his lap fully.

In Ashton’s ear, Luke whispered, “What you did was risky.”

Quietly Ashton responded as he took hold of Luke’s hand, “There was no risk. I was certain I would be alright with you near. I _knew._ ”

*

Ashton used one hand to knock on the door, the other held tight in Luke’s. The door opened, and Ashton spoke thickly through his joyous tears. “Mom, there’s someone I want you to meet. Luke, my soulmate.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed the story! Let me know what you think!  
> Talk to me on [Tumblr](http://lashtonsillusion.tumblr.com)


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